Query checklist for before you ask me for help
FOR MULTI-POV SPECIFICS, SCROLL DOWN FOR “MULTI-POV SPECIFICS”
Basic book process essentials:
A) Write a story idea that isn’t toxic (no bury your gays, no white savior, no being third-generation American white person with no immigrant background beyond right-wing television entertainment and writing brown immigrant, no “inspirational” fat/disabled/etc. person, etc.).
B) Make sure you, as a debut writer, are following the rules, including for word count. Read a few books like yours. You do not get to break the rules until you prove you can sell books. (I don’t make the rules. I just know of them.)
C) Have smart writer people who are not related to you read your book. Incorporate their feedback. Some of it will be trash. Some will be good.
Query essentials:
A) Dear agent,
B) I am querying you because [whatever].
C) TITLE is a word count stand-alone age range genre [with series potential] in which [logline].
D) Pitch: Someone (character, including age if mg or ya) is doing something (situation). Something happens (inciting incident). Tension builds. Now (stakes) someone MUST DECIDE whether to DO ONE THING or DO ANOTHER THING (with consequences either way). (See my sample query below. the secret word is quiche.)
E) TITLE may appeal to fans of author book’s thing and author2 book’s thing.
F) I bio in first person. Education, hobby, family, awards/professional relevance. ownvoices and specifics about background can go here (“My characters are as queer and neurodiverse as I am.”), as can sensitivity/authenticity read stuff.
THINGS YOU DO NOT NEED HERE, SO PLEASE STOP DROWNING ME IN THEM:
“This is my first book.” Assumable.
Being part of a critique group.
Liking reading.
YOUR BOOK’S ORIGIN STORY … UNLESS IT INFORMS THE BOOK. “I like dragons, so I wrote a book about them” — nobody gives a shit. “I am a school counselor with a specialty in substance abuse. I wrote this book to show students how to overcome a vaping addiction.” that’s relevant.
“has been beta-read.” Assumable.
“The full manuscript is available upon request” Assumable. the GOAL is to get a request.
“This book explores [themes I can guess at from your pitch].” Assumable. I paw-promise agents can tell your book about what friends do is about friendship.
Anything you think makes you look bad. “While I admit I have been writing for only” nope. The book is the thing. Writing for 20 years doesn’t make you good. Writing for six months doesn’t make you bad.
G) Thank you for your time.
H) Sincerely,
I) Me
Specific guides (the numbers in the feedback I give):
- Active versus passive verbs
- Active versus passive protagonists (also covered excellently here by Sunyi Dean Âû)
- The difference between a query and jacket/cover copy
- Long modifiers beginning a sentence
- Long phrasing
- Nouns and verbs (PLEASE I SWEAR TO FUCK I AM SO TIRED OF SEEING MURDER AS A NOUN IN THE FIRST SENTENCE OF YOUR PITCH. PLEASE. PLEASE. I BEG OF YOU, USE VERRRRRRRRRBS!)
- Plot element lists
- Ending with a question (most agents say not to, so just don’t)
- Adverbs of time (when they begin a phrase, they telegraph that something is about to change, which encourages the reader to look for where they change. Don’t use them unless you want to say “this stuff isn’t important, but the stuff after is.). (IF YOUR QUERY USES THE CONSTRUCTION “[ADVERB OF TIME] THE [IMPORTANT NOUN THAT SHOULD BE A VERB],” DO NOT GIVE IT TO ME UNTIL YOU FIX IT. I AM SO TIRED OF CORRECTING THAT SPECIFIC PROBLEM. SO, VERB THE NOUN. DELETE THE ADVERB. AND SAVE ME FROM GOING CRAZY FROM PARTS OF SPEECH.)
- LINEARITY. If we find out that your character is part tortoise halfway into the first third, you should not begin your query “Jen is part tortoise.” Furthermore, you should not hint at things the character doesn’t know: “Jen doesn’t know she is part tortoise.” This also means no “But Amber learns about the toads when she finds blah blah.” Have her find the thing, THEN learn about the toads.
Other stuff:
A. Include information from ONLY THE FIRST THIRD OF THE BOOK. Some backstory exceptions apply for romance, but for fantasy, “Jen doesn’t know she’s an elf” should not begin your first paragraph; part of the point of fantasy is the character discovering her elfdom. Furthermore, how the second or third acts go has no bearing on the query. The query focuses on the who and what is driving the action etc. in the first third of the book.
B. Do not name more than THREE ENTITIES in the first paragraph. We need you to focus us on who is doing things. Throwing names at us doesn’t focus.
9. Do not comp something you could find in any grocery store from here to the moon. It is too popular. And if you MUST comp ONE of those, DO NOT COMP TWO. You cannot write “[Title] will appeals to fans of ROMEO AND JULIET and WUTHERING HEIGHTS.” You cannot comp Harry Potter and Sarah J. Maas. And if one of your comps won a Nebula in 2018 and the other was a best-seller fourteen years ago, go to the library and ask for help. Do not just go “oh, but [both books are] perfect! I CAN’T CHANGE THEM!”
You can. And frankly, you have to do the work. This is a business, not a lunch table conversation during which your bff dramatically reads aloud the five pages of self-aggrandizing prose you wrote over the weekend while your friends gush over you.
11. Check the queries here for your genre (only one — agents will FR you for writing “contemporary thriller” or “science fiction suspense” because you need to be able to say your book fits on ONE place on a shelf; a scifi book can HAVE suspense elements, but it’s scifi, not scifi suspense) and age range (a protag older than 18 is generally considered adult; New Adult does not exist in traditional publishing). Read several successful queries to get a feel for what you need. THEN write your query, making sure it is no more than 350ish words and no fewer than 150ish (unless you’ve written a picture book).
SAMPLE QUERY:
Dear agent,
I am querying you because [whatever]. TITLE is a wordcount stand-alone age range genre [THIS IS THE METADATA! YOU MUST HAVE THIS! STOP MAKING ME GUESS WHETHER YOU’VE WRITTEN DOMESTIC SUSPENSE OR WOMEN’S FICTION!][with series potential] in which a whoever must contend with whatever thematic plot element.
EXAMPLE: I am querying you because you represent adult fantasy. SCOTT IS NOT A PORTAL FANTASY HERO is a 100,000-word stand-alone adult fantasy with series potential in which a queer software sales director must use his numerical and interpersonal acumen to survive in a deathly realm.
[Introduce your character and situation by SHOWING what they like/dislike/do. if the book is for children, state the character’s age. if it isn’t, indicate where they are in life.] [do not use more than two names. focus on ONE entity. we need to get a feel for this character. we do not need their five closest friends or w/e.]
EXAMPLE:
Scott has been sales director of a software company for a decade. He travels to conventions a few times a year, always remembering to bring back some trinkets for his kids and a pamphlet for his husband. He loves the change of scenery, but he doesn’t love spending time away from the life he’s built.
[Inciting incident:]
EXAMPLE:
Then his company is bought by Super Computer Inc. The CEO guts the travel budget and repurposes a meeting room into a virtual technology conference center. Scott smiles as he packs his suitcases away, tells his family they’re not getting more loot, and settles in for sitting down and navigating the next conference floor from his office.
Two weeks later, GlobalTechCon arrives. Scott sits down to virtually walk the showroom floor. The guide tells him to touch the lower-left corner of his screen so he can feel how smooth a product is.
He does so, and he’s yanked through the screen and into a jungle with four acquaintances from previous conventions.
As they hunt for food and get their bearings, they figure out three inconvenient truths: First, the acre of jungle produces only enough food for one person a day. Second, they are far hungrier than normal. And three, the portal will reopen only after four of them die.
[STAKES, WHICH YOU MUST HAVE! MUST! REQUIRED PART OF A QUERY! DO NOT SKIP THIS! YOU MUST INCLUDE THIS! STOP THROWING STAKES-FREE QUERIES AT ME! THEY AREN’T A THING!]
EXAMPLE (emphasis mine because 90 percent of query writers don’t know to include this):
Now Scott ***********must decide whether to*********** reject those limits and fight his way out with his new comrades — risking starvation — or choose the only clear option for getting out of there and eat/bury four innocent people … or be buried and eaten by the guilty one.
[If you cannot hang your stakes sentence on a decision because the choice is either join or die, hang it on the necessity of the situation: Now Scott must join.]
[Comps and bio:]
TITLE may appeal to fans of [plot/book element of, if you like] recent title by noniconic writer and [plot/book element of, if you like] recent title by noniconic writer. [bio: lead with shiniest thing. I am a human who lives in place and does things. I have academic whatevers and whatever writing credentials. i blog/tweet/whatever at these urls. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE AMAZING HERE. THIS PART IS JUST STUFF. YOU HAVE TO BE AMAZING IN THE PITCH.]
EXAMPLE: SCOTT IS NOT A PORTAL FANTASY HERO may appeal to fans of [idc i wrote this thing as an example. Do the work. Ask a librarian. Check NoveList, BookBrowse, Literature-Map, Edelweiss.] I am a person who lives in place. I have a degree from whatever. I recently passed 1k (bro) twitter followers. I run a feedback group.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Writer McWriternose
— — —
250ish-word pitch. Could cut some things, but it clearly communicates character, agency and stakes. It verbs things up and shows Scott living, then facing tough decisions. And that’s the job.
—
Now. If you do all those things BEFORE you come to me, you will save both of us a lot of pain and heartache. 95 percent of the queries I see are broken in a way this guide addresses.
thank you, and have a pleasantish [time unit]
MULTI-POV SPECIFICS:
Every POV must have a stakes sentence. POV sentences can be combined, but you cannot have a POV character without a decision to make.
Every POV initial paragraph must start with the POV character’s name.
If you start a paragraph with a character’s name, the agent will assume that paragraph is from that character’s perspective. If you do not, the agent will probably assume the POV has not changed.
Sample concept outline:
15-year-old Justine [show character, situation].
15-year-old Jodie [show character, situation].
12-year-old Melva [show character, situation].
[inciting incident]
Now, with thing bearing down on them, Justine must decide between thing and thing. Jodie must choose if she wants to thing or thing. And Melva has to decide: thing or thing.